You Go Bob

Bob Barker... i'm not sure if he created the Price Is Right, but he damn well made it a great show. Bringing on those beautiful girls to model the products, and the ridiculously creative games, and who could forget, "A NEW CAR!!!". And who could forget how he closed off every show... "Help control the pet population. Have your pets spayed or netured." He was pretty hardcore about spay and neutering pets... not really sure why, must have been some kind of child hood tragedy (perhaps he was raped by a turtle). In reality, he has been very outspoken about animal rights ever since his wife passed in 1981. In fact, he prohibits the airing of prior shows where fur coats as prizes.

Other then the Price Is Right, Bob married his high school sweet heart which is pretty amazing. He was the host of the price is right from September 4, 1972 and will soon be retiring for good from the show in June 2007 (recently announced on October 31, 2006), which is a very long time.

Anyways, overall, I believe he was a great guy who cared a lot about others. A very positive man that should be more recognized for the great work he has done.

Damn Cold

Cold is an understatement as to what the weather is currently like in Minneapolis, MN. I just stood outside for about five minutes to catch a taxi, and when the wind blows, you feel like Steve O felt after snorting Wasabi. Currently the thermometer on my computer states that it is 15 degrees... and with wind chill... 3 degrees. Farenheith that is. Yeah, you heard me right, it's not even December and its already almost below 0 with wind chill.

Currently I live in Dallas, Tx and travel to Minneapolis for 30% of my work which isn't much, but I'm going to have to break out the big code next time.

Anyways, just thought I'd let you know, I'm freezing my ass off.

Why are you drinking… Because it’s Tuesday?

Now that is what winos say if you ask me. Because it’s Tuesday? (This came from Patton Oswald, a comedian I’m going to see in Austin, Texas this coming weekend)

In other news, I noticed an interesting feature in Microsoft Word a week or so ago. The grammar check has some odd inconsistencies if you ask me. The following phrase would be caught by the grammar check as a fragment:

The. <- Fragment

However, just by changing the period to a exclamation mark, it all changes and the “sentence” is perfectly fine according to MS Word.

The! <- Not a fragment

I don’t really understand what the difference is, but Bill Gates must have some opinion on this. Oh well… just one of life’s greatest mysteries.

Super Duper Powers

What would your super power be if you could have one?

First thing that came to my mind, was the ability to read minds. But then I thought about it a little more, and realized that I might not want to know what a lot of people are thinking, it could be gross, cruel, strange, or not nice things about me that I would rather not know. So that’s an X on that one.

X-Ray Vision… not so much. Having the ability to see through people’s cloths can be good and bad depending on what/whom you are looking at. Plus, I ever really understood x-ray vision. Is there some kind of adjustment that you can adjust the intensity, because why would your vision only allow you to see through a wall… or cloths? Because if not, wouldn’t you just see through everything and then technically, not see anything? Does this make sense or am I just crazy? So that’s an X to X-ray vision.

Flying, that sounds about right. As long as I could fly extremely fast. This would allow me to travel the world at great speeds and “fly” for free. No car would be necessary for me, since I can always just fly, thus saving me money on gas. It would also just be amazing to see the world from really high up above.

What would your super power be?

I'm A Cop You Idiot

Arnold Schwarzenegger, what a guy. He has gone from gigantic body builder, to successful movie actor (Terminator), and Governor of California. If this isn't a success story for someone who pumped more roids then a force fed chicken.

Anyways, steroids... should they be illegal. Do they cause damage to our society as a whole, or just one retarded individual who just wants to be bigger (don't really understand why someone would want this). The list of side effects is rather long, but interesting:

Acne, baldness, prostate cancer, increased blood pressure, raise cholesterol, males can develop breasts from high levels of circulating estrogen, reduced sexual functionality, reduced size in testicles, female hair loss, deepening of the voice, and several others

As a result of my long hard thought analysis, steroids should be illegal. The long term health problems that can be caused will only cost citizens more money in the long run (then again we could say the same thing about eating McDonald's or other fast food, but you know how it is). It also isn't fair in sports. So be wise... don't do steroids.

The New Superhero

Pomegranate Juice is something we should all drink a little bit of everyday. There are several healthy reasons behind it:

1. Your body produces free radicals from internal and external sources (pollution, alcohol, pesticides, sunlight, smoke, drugs, fried foods, and others). The antioxidants in pomegranate Juice fight hard to prevent the free radicals from doing damage.

2. Heart disease is one of the leading killers in America for men and women. Atheroslerosis or too much plaque in the arteries leads to heart attacks. Research has shown that antixodiants may help minimze the oxidation of LDL cholesterol which can cause these things.

3. Diets containing fruits and vegtables that contain antioxidants (like POM), along with exercies, might slow or help prevent the development of cancer.

So start every day off with a class of POM juice... it might not taste as good as a cold beer at 8 am, but it will help your body in the long run.

Minimalization

I strongly believe that we should all strive to live off of less than what we have. Society has trained us to believe that more and more is better, but do we really need all the crap that we buy. I imagine that only about 1% of the items I own are absolute necessities that I could not do without. Those being:

Food
Shelter
Toothbrush/Toothpaste
Soap
Water
Books
Computer

I had to throw the computer in there, because someday when I do decide to become a minimalist I will need the computer to continue writing this blog… Duh.

Continental breakfast… What the hell does that mean?

Why on earth do hotels offer a breakfast called continental breakfast? In my opinion, it should be called Mediocre Breakfast.

Wikipedia defines it as the following:

“An institutional meal plan based on lighter Mediterranean breakfast traditions and served in hotels world-wide is known as a European "Continental breakfast". It is a light snack meant to tide one over until lunch. It consists mainly of coffee and milk (often mixed as Cappuccino or latte) with a variety of sweet cakes such as brioche and pastries such as croissant, often with a sweet jam, cream, or chocolate filling. It is often served with juice.”

Institutional… Mediterranean…European…None of these are words that come to mind when I think of continental breakfast. So I have decided to re-write the definition for Wikipedia.

A crappy meal plan based on a 3^rd world countries breakfast traditions typically served in cheap hotels for free. It is a shitty light snack that does not hold you over until lunch (forcing customers to load up there bags with extra food and “steal”). It consists of some liquids, some solids, cereal, and nasty milk that generally comes from a machine (never drink milk that comes out of a machine, it is made from powder which is not normal). Sometimes there is still orange juice (there is never enough for everyone, there is always an abundant supply of the shit juices like grapefruit, cranberry, and piss).

The end.

Beating the System

How many passwords do you have memorized… how many expired passwords do you have memorized that you can’t use for the next 10 passwords you create on that system (system rules sometimes prohibit one from using any of their past 10 passwords)?

I have figured out a way to beat the systems that do not let you change the password to any of your last 10 passwords. It’s quite simple actually. Just change your password 10 times when they ask you to change it… and then change it back to the original. That way you never have to memorize a new password. It may take an extra two minutes, but you won’t have to spend time entering the old password accidentally or memorizing the new password.

Maybe someday there won’t be such a need for passwords and instead it will be some kind of magical identification method (retina scans, saliva tests, or ear scans… who knows). However, until that time though, unfortunately, we will all have to memorize (and re-memorize my changing passwords) 20 different passwords to use on multiple systems.

The AI of the Turkey

Caution: The following may not be appropriate for you. You have been warned.

Demand for turkeys this time of year is probably greater than ever if I had to imagine. You might be wondering, where do all of these turkeys really come from and how do they produce enough for the consumption of turkey during Thanksgiving and Christmas. Artificial Insemination is your answer. That’s right, they rape the turkeys.

Essentially what is done is a person sits in the room full of male turkeys, picks one up, rubs and squeezes it, causing the male turkey to ejaculate into a valve that collects the semen. From there they do the reverse to the female turkeys (hens), clamp there legs open using metal forceps, and then they inseminate the hen. Each worker can inseminate on average 1,200 – 1,400 hens within two hours.

If you want more details about the process that the turkeys go through and the harsh living situations they have, visit http://www.satyamag.com/nov06/beeby.html.

Few final thoughts/questions:

Animal cruelty? Absolutely.
Is this something the government should do something about? Yes.
Am I going to eat turkey for thanksgiving? Yes.

Gobble Gobble

Why the left lane?

Are you that heffer in the left lane that refuses to move out either:

A. because you are stupid
B. because you are trying to slow me down
C. because you just want to get shot at

If you are, please follow the law and get in the right lane. And if you are in the right lane, please at least go the speed limit... not 10 MPH under it. It's a little frustrating and its not because I'm in a hurry, patience is a virtue, it's because you are just retarded and really need to follow the law. I wish more tickets were handed out for idiot drivers. They are the ones that cause accidents generally which cause my insurance rates to be high.

Sunshiny Day

It’s Friday, which is one of my favorite days and I can already get that feeling its going to be a good one. Movies are a great escape for people and I love to watch them as I’m sure many others do. One of my favorite actors of all time probably has to be John Cusack. Why? Well because he plays one character role so well, that he has repeatedly performed beyond expectations. What is that role?

The sad broken hearted ex boyfriend that is confused about life and not knowing what to do next.

Starting with the classic Better Off Dead, Grosse Pointe Blank, and High Fidelity are probably three of Cusack’s greatest movies and in all of those he plays a character that has been broken up with, or experienced some kind of heart breaking relationship tragedy. He always plays the part so well and to me is who John Cusack really is… he is a guy who has experienced several hard break ups and lives to tell his story. All in all, he is most one of my favorite actors and I continue to love seeing him in roles similar to this.

So just because it’s Friday, you should remember, that it’s going to be a bright, bright, bright, sunshiny day.

You Can Do It... it's not that hard

I’m a little embarrassed to be a guy when I walk in the 12 Floor Northside Men’s Restroom at my client. It has to always be the dirtiest bathroom I’ve ever used when it comes to the urinals. I just flat out avoid the toilets because I would hate to see what the guys on this floor do to those… whoa.

Anyways, I’ve walked in multiple times and there are always puttles of piss on the floor underneath the urinal, I don’t quite understand how people miss that bad, but they need to be taught. I feel really bad for the people that have to clean it, but I also feel bad for people like me who have to stand in it. I know its just the sole of my shoe, but that is still gross.

So please, men, when you pee… hit the target.

She’s SINGLE Again!!

All my love letters must have reached her and I really feel like I have a lot to do with the divorce of Britney Spears and that loser K Fed. I’ve been writing letters daily for the past 3 years, and every once in a while I get some kind of restraining order deal from LAPD (K-Fed has been reading the letters and is jealous).

But anyways, I’m already planning my trip to LA to meet with her, maybe I’ll propose to her in a similar way that Borat proposed to Pamela Anderson…jk, I’m not that mean. But I do think it is our destiny… with her being from Louisiana and me being from Texas, we were practically neighbors growing up.

And since Britney is a huge fan of my blog, she is probably reading this now, I love you honey bunny and I’ll see you and the two boys (Technically, they are most likely mine) soon.

Why I refuse to vote.

It's simple, I'm ignorant. Why am I, because I do not really care about politics, a lot of it seems like bullshit to me and a lot of it outside of my control. Pretend I really did care about an issue; what can I actually do to make our government change their mind. For example the war, I don’t agree with it, I doubt that me casting my vote today would really help get us out, because everyone knows we can’t get out. The end.

All in all, if I did go vote today, I would look at the ballot, maybe recognize a name or two, and just pick randomly. Does that really seem right; I believe ignorant people like me should not have the right to vote, because if anything, there randomness may just be ruining the country? So you should thank me for not ruining the political system and voting for people who have funny names like Kinky Friedman.

I would like to think that someday I will have more time on my hands to know what to do with, at that point in my life I will do research and actually vote. But for now, I have better things to do (drink, play, and live life).

Thank you.

Drinks that I don’t get

The following are a list of drinks that do not make sense and should be banned by the government for not only tasting terrible, but wasting valuable shelf space at the grocery store:

1. Mr. Pibb – Just because Coke feels that it needs to compete with Dr Pepper, (Which was created in the greatest nation in the world, Texas) doesn’t mean they can make a copy and then make it taste like crap. For some reason Coke continues to make this horrific drink in a can and they even wasted time recently by changing the name to Pibb Xtra… seriously, what are they doing?

2. Fanta/Fresca/Fruit Sodas – All of these are just absolutely obsurd. Soda is not supposed to have a fruit flavor and that is final.

3. Gatorade – How many different flavors can they make now…

Frost High Tide (last I checked there is no frost at high tide)

Fierce Grape (if anything grapes are the weakest of fruits and are no where near fierce)

Xtreme Citrico (just think about it, it doesn’t sound right)

Passion Fruit (what about fruit is passionate)

Honestly, how did they come up with these names, did they just pick random words out of the dictionary and put them next to each other.

I’m sure there are plenty other drinks out there that strive to be the best on the market, but they never will be. So what is the ultimate drink you may be asking yourself… well it’s a combination of hops, barley, yeast, and water... in most countries known as BEER.

Traffic Jam… When you’re already late

Traffic, what a horrible word. I can’t even think of how to put a positive spin on traffic unless you just love listening to music in your car, because that’s about the only thing you can do while chilling in your car for extended periods of time.

Last night… I landed at the airport at my typical 645… get to my car… I expected to be home around 715… man was I wrong when I realized they had closed off a major 3 lane freeway at 7:00 PM due to construction and were making everyone exit the freeway (3 lanes went down to 1).

About a mile before the construction, when there was a lot of traffic, I see several people exiting. This is where I fall into my typical conundrum, because I cannot see how much further the traffic goes, I always tend to think, maybe its just over this next hill. However, that always seems to be the wrong assumption because every time I get to the top of the hill, its all traffic until the next hill.

8:15 rolls around… I finally get home, an hour after my expected time. Who hasn’t had this happen? What if I had been pregnant (assuming I was a woman)?

Anyways, all in all, I believe there needs to be some kind of web site posting that notifies people when and where large construction events will be taking place. It should be the construction company’s responsibility to have someone post where and when construction will be happening at least one week in advance. This way I could check the site every Monday… and then I would not have any problems because I could always figure out a way around it.

Alive

“I am reborn. This is my dawn. Real life has just begun.”
- Chris McCandeless

Have you had one of those days when you wake up… and you feel like a completely different person and you believe everything about you may have just changed over night? I don’t believe that I have, but it is something we all sometimes probably need to happen. Starting fresh is the easiest way for all your problems to disappear. Some problems are unsolvable, so the only way to move past them is to start fresh.

Problems are something we all have, and if we did not have any, then life would be boring. But the problems that continue to nag away consistently gets old and it would be nice to have the ability to cleanse those issues. Maybe someday someone will invent such a machine that has the ablity to perform this amazing feature.

Have a great November 2.

Chris McCandless once said...

“Don’t settle down and sit in one place. Move around, be nomadic, make each day a new horizon”
- Chris McCandless

The above quote by Chris McCandless I found in a book I am reading called Into the Wild (written by Jon Krakauer) which is the story of Chris’s journeys through out the United States, up until he died in Alaska at the age of 24. Essentially he gave up pretty much everything he had in 1990 and started hitchhiking to places, finding small jobs to barely live off, spent weeks without any human interaction, met several new acquaintances and stayed with them for periods of time, and eventually living his dream of hiking the Stamped Trail in Fairbanks Alaska. Some people think that Chris was crazy for what he did, but this was a dream of his he had and he wanted to fulfill, even if that meant death. Many people go through life having dreams, but never making an attempt at them due to fear of failure. Chris can at least say he tried.

Make each day a new horizon must mean something along the lines of make the best of the bad situations. Life is going to be rough and tough at times, but you have to keep going and progress so you can see new things and learn what this world has to offer. One problem I believe many people have regarding certain situations is they tend to look at the short term because it is the easiest to see. We all do this, when in fact in all situations if you look at something in the long term, you will soon realize everything will be alright. Life is short, so keep moving and don’t stop, because before you know it, it will all be over.