This one time...

... when i wasn't drinking (the start of my stories are typically the complete opposite of this) my dad shot my sister with a gun.

Let me rephrase that.

This one time... when i wasn't drinking, my dad accidentally shot my sister with a BB gun. I remember it like it was yesterday... and so does she since she was the one who was shot.

My dad and I were shooting our BBs at cans like we loved to do on any typical Saturday morning. This is what we did in Texas as kids, and generally move up to pellet guns after this, then rifles, then shotguns, and finally AK47s. My sister at the time was on the swing set which was not directly in the line of fire, but definitely about 15 feet away from the cans at about a 30 degree angle.

I remember shooting, then hearing my sister scream. That's about it. Turns out a BB ricocheted off the can and hit her on the pinkie as she was swinging. The real questions is, was it my shot, or my dad's shot. I guess the world will never know.

Lesson to be learned... don't be in the line of fire in any situation.

The last time i was drinking and playing with guns... somone got shot in the butt. Awesome.

Grammar... HA!

To the creator of the following comment (aka anonymous),

"Anonymous said...
Nice grammar, dude. You should proofread your posts before you start calling other people stupid.

8:57 AM"

Clearly you have taken offense to some of my blogs because you are now critiquing my grammar. Hello.... I'm Gekius, do you think i care about grammar. I don't think so. You can look through all 90 something of my posts as of this moment and probably find a 1000 grammatical errors. Congratulations. Want a cookie?

I'm not sure what about this particular entry set you off, but I've done some quick analysis and come up with a few possible reasons why this blog tickled your toes:

1. You work at burger king and make fries like K-Fed will be doing soon. Making fries is not a bad job man, and I'm impressed that with that grammatical knowledge you have, you haven't taken your skills to Jack In The Box

2. Your name is Hulk Hogan. Enough said. You have issues due to the multiple fights with Andre the Giant (R.I.P Andre).

3. You have aspired all your life to be the cup stacking champion of Norman, Oklahoma, it was your dream ever since you were 6. Then at the age of 7 and a half, your finger got stuck up your own butt doing who knows what (probably your sister knows) and twisted extremely bad. The doctors said you would never stack cups like you did before. Boo hoo. Now that you are 10 and learning all the grammatical rules in the 3rd grade, you decided it was time to take some vengeance. I understand your problems. I know a few good child therapists that can probably help you. Just please leave your name and number and I'll help you out. I'm here to serve like Obama.

4. You come from Atlanta, Denver, or Oklahoma.

5. You may not even have a job... Given your amazing grammatical skills though, I find this hard to believe (dude is such a great thing to call me by the way... but i prefer Gekius... or your majesty).

6. You may be retarded. I'm sorry, I know this wasn't PC and it isn't nice to laugh about this stuff but some people think its funny, so get over it.

7. You really do play Magic the Gathering or like Pokemon and still think both are cool. In this case, I'll just let it be. And I hope you find a good troll of a wife someday to marry you.

8. You are the kid in the photo. You win the jackpot, Glamour Shots with out cups in front of you. Congratulations.

9. Anonymous... get a real name or grow some balls.

10. Wait for it... I know... Since in your comment you seem to be offended that I called other people stupid, you must be stupid. Ahh... it was so obvious. Why didn't I see this right from the start.

Anyways, please let me know which of the options above are the reason for your comment, or just tell me the grammatical error and I will fix it. I'm always aiming to please others, so just let me know. Love,

Gekius

In other recent news

Britney has gone a little crazy. We all know by now that she is my x-girlfriend and is my baby's momma. I hope she is able to get through all of the crazy times she is having. She isn't looking so great in below:


And in this picture she has some slight resemblance to the devil... hmm ... interesting:

Cup Stacking... A Sport

Are you f'in kidding me?

I'm not sure if you have heard of this stupid new phenomenon amongst the kids these days... and no I'm not talking about Pokemon, because that was so 10 years ago. And I'm not talking about Magic the Gathering, because everyone knows was the best child game that ever existed and only cool people like me still play it (I have an 11th degree wizard that can crush any card you throw out... so be scared if you ever dare try playing me).

Anyways, cup stacking, it's a speed game (not a sport) where kid's (I hope adults don't waste their time with this nonsense game) stack cups and unstack them in formations as quickly as possible. Sounds like a game for your standard mentally retarded kid if you ask me... but they are letting "normal" kids do this. They have competitions. They have world rankings. They are... stupid.

All i know is if my kid ever asked to go to a competition, the events would unfold like this. I would act gleefully that they have chosen such an awesome sport to pursue their dreams in. Sign them up... pay the fee or whatever needed to be done. On day of competition, give them a nice big breakfast. Then we would start driving. I would drive for so long that they fell asleep and take them to a far away remote place. When i felt like we were in the middle of no where, i would pick the kid up out of the car as they were sleeping... and drop them off with the following note:

"Here is your challenge should you choose to accept. Cup Stacking is stupid, if i ever catch you trying to do it again, i will drop you off much further and this time with no food or water. You will find in your bag one nalgene and two granola bars. Good luck. Hope to see you at home sometime tonight. Be safe and I love you."

I think that would be a successful lesson taught to my child and they would learn not to play stupid games like Cup Stacking.

The only reason cup stacking might be acceptable, is if it were somehow turned into a drinking game for kids. That would be hilarious and i would hope that ESPN would broadcast it, because drunk kids trying to stack cups would be funnier than Hulk Hogan trying to manage his f'd up family.

Please note the kid in the photo will never amount to anything. Yeah he can stack and unstack cups with one hand in 5.3 seconds, but what will he really do with his life... my best guess... Burger King Fry maker.

BTW... if you haven't check out "What Would Tyler Durden Do"... you should. Two words. Hil Arious

Obamination

I was told by Barack Obama earlier this afternoon to tell my friends that he is the man. This is me telling you that he is the man. I'm calling it right now, he will be the next president. Unless Rudy starts doing something right... its no competition... Barack will obaminate the competition.

Note: Image is of Barack at age 14 trippin on some wicked LSD. At least... that's my best guess.

Prosperous

If you are reading this blog entry... you should probably consider yourself to be pretty lucky. For one, you must not be dirt poor because you have access to the Internet. And two, you can read, so you have a skill that 18% of the world does not have. I know I have lived a very fortunate life and have been very lucky. Even during difficult times, you have to always think that there is someone that has it much more difficult. A lot more. So I definitely encourage everyone that is fortunate enough to donate money to charities/runs/walks/biking/ or others that just need help. Most of these things are tax deductible, so it's a good deal in the long run.

Anyways, I found this new website I'm going to plug for a minute called Prosper.com. Sounds like some kind of Internet dating site... but really its a lender/borrower site that brings someone who needs money for some financial reason in contact with several lenders who are willing to provide that money at a cost (interest rate). So basically prosper acts as an intermediary for people who need money and people that want to lend money and make some profit. I signed up for an account and am going to do a trial period to make sure it works (only investing 100 bucks initially). There is always a chance that the borrower will default, in that case, you may lose some of your money. Which is why you must diversify your portfolio and only give small amounts to multiple people... so that if a couple people default, then you have lost all your apples. If you are interested in how this turns out for me... let me know and I will be sure to tell you if it is profitable. After looking through the site, the average return rate is at least 8-10%, which is higher than any savings account and is typically better than the average stock market return (average gain in market is 8%). So hopefully this works out... if so, I might have found a new way to waste my life away... AWESOME!

Who is ready for Friday? I know I sure am... my weekend consists of going out to a few happy hours (where i will not get drunk), maybe a movie or two, some climbing, maybe running if weather permits, and 2 hockey games. All in all, I've been very good about keeping my drinking in check the past month, the only times I've been drunk were in Whistler... which is in Canada, so everything i did there did not count... anyways... hopefully i can continue this streak. We will see.

Also, I just ate 5 cookies. I need to stop doing that. For some reason, when I only want one... I grab five and eat them in less than a minute.

Also... the guy in the picture above... his name is fortunate. Isn't that weird.

She Tasted Like Cigarettes..

Cigarettes... I can still remember the first girl that i kissed that had been smoking sometime around freshman year in college. To my surprise at the time, it actually kind of tasted pretty good. Later that night i realized in my drunken state that she had actually been chewing some kind of Cinnamon gum combined with the taste of cigarettes which synergized and made an amazing flavor. One i have yet to be able to recreate since that night... but it was still great. Someday it will be a flavor of Gatorade or something like that (Cinnamon Cigarette Ice Gatorade... sounds... refreshing?). And I digress.

Anyways, back in the day i used to smoke. Well if you consider that I've probably smoked maybe 10 cigarettes in my life and they have all been in the past ... 6 -8 years probably. So I'm not perfect right, but who is besides a girl named Kathy that I've heard of from a friend.

Since when did smoking become cool... i mean i know it has been for a long time, but why and what made it cool. People say that cigarettes take of pressure and make them feel better, which makes sense i guess... but it also kills you at the same time (please note... i do tons of things that speed up my life, because I'm not perfect, but smoking is a vice that bothers me).

I guess i really just don't think it is fair for people to be allowed to smoke in bars/restaurants/ or any place of business. It isn't right for them to contaminate the air that i breathe and the cloths i wear with the horrific smokey smell.

Alright alright, enough bitching... all I'm saying is that if Austin, New York, LA, Minneapolis, and others can successfully outlaw smoking in all public places, then the rest of the united states should be able to do it (except for in Oklahoma... everyone knows they have problems). Someday this will happen, hopefully i will still be going to bars at this time so that i can enjoy the clean air act that will be passed.

Peace out.

My morning... My weekend... My life

I get my marble loaf and apple juice and proceed to my gate. I sit down 3 seats from a woman who is slightly overweight, brown hair, bangs that aren't exactly even going across the bottom of her fore head, and overall looks like a very nice women.

"Where is the Starbucks at?"

"Just about three to four gates down, not too far."

"Oh, well I'm kind of hungry, so maybe I'll just go get some burger King."

I smile and say "Good idea"... but deep down I hate burger King with a passion. The four years i was at the University of Texas, there was a burger king right next to where i spent most of my college career (by the BC office). I ate there way too much and cannot stand the smell/taste/or thought of burger king to this day. There is even one 2 blocks from where i live, I've never been there and do not plan on ever going there. I think the only way I'd ever go to a burger king is if it were the last place on earth. And I Digress.

"My friends say I'm a social butterfly"

"That's a good quality to have" I say.

Then she asks, "Are you a business man?". I'm assuming she asks this because I'm wearing my sport coat, slacks, and a dress shirt.

"Yes maam I am." I wasn't really sure what to say, since businessman is such a generic term that in some ways, i wouldn't want to be called that.

She then goes on to tell me that she is from Dallas and why she is heading to Rochester NY.

"I have epilepsy. The doctors here in Dallas have told me that I need to go there and that they are running out of ideas. I'm currently on 4500 MG of medication a day to control it." So less than 5 minutes of talking to her, she begins to tell me all about it and how the clinic there is kind of her last resort. I begin to feel very bad for her, but have no idea what to say. If I knew her, I think i would be ok. I guess i was shocked that she would provide this kind of information to a complete stranger minutes within meeting them.

By this time I have finished my marble loaf and apple juice and am trying to figure out if there is some kind of exit strategy. I know it sounds mean, but I just did not feel like talking about this at 530 am... is that wrong of me?

Finally, they start the boarding process. I tell her good luck and hope that everything works out well. I think she might have just been nervous and wanted to talk. For me though... 530 am is not the best time to talk to me... unless I've been up all night and am doped up on cocaine and hypnotic.


-------------

This past weekend I cleaned my room. It is now cleaner than it ever has been before since i moved in 10 months ago. It was a great weekend. This is me breathing.

Stupid Question

I work in an office.

I work on a floor with one men's restroom.

There are no kids in the building where I work.

SO why do they have one urinal at man level... and one urinal at kid's level....

think about it.

Who am i?

Am I George or Jerry? I've had this debate with myself for quite sometime which is very odd to the average person I'm sure. Of course who would want to be George... he's always a mental wreck and stressed out beyond all possible means, while Jerry is always calm, happy, and enjoying his life.

The Analysis:

Comparison to George:
1. George is bald.... I am not (well not yet, i was recently told that i will be someday most likely)
2. George carries an overly obese wallet.... while I carry a slim wallet and keep only the essential stuff in it.
3. George freaks out constantly about girls... I... well.. I... ok yes i freak out about girls
4. George likes his Kung Pao Chicken spicy... I on the other hand dislike spicy food.
5. George has dated super models... the closest I got to a super model was when i stalked Naomi Campbell for three weeks and created a hair doll out of the hair that fell out of her head. These days i'm not allowed to be within 500 meters of her, but it was well worth it.
6. George experiences shrinkage... I'm a guy, don't we all experience this.
7. George killed his fiance... while i haven't had a fiancee, i did once drive a girl to see a therapist
8. George is cheap... I am cheap
9. George yells a lot and stresses out... I can't remember the last time I yelled, but i do stress out a lot
10. George likes cuban cigars... I love cuban cigars.

Comparison to Jerry:
1. Jerry is a jew... I am not a jew.
2. Jerry is good with the ladies... typically i'm not so good with the ladies
3. Jerry is funny... while i like to think I am funny
4. Jerry is not a threesome kind of guy... i am not a threesome kind of guy
5. Jerry once date his twin... I have never dated my twin
6. Jerry was the "fastest" runner in high school because he cheated... I used to win at poker because I cheated.
7. Jerry once stole a marble rye from an old woman... while I once stole a tootsie roll from Randall's when I was 6 years old.
8. Jerry agrees that a salad counts as a dinner... while i too agree that salad = dinner
9. Jerry always had a thing for asian women... i've been told i have a thing for asian women
10. Jerry once dated a gymnast... I once dated a gymnast

All in all... it is clear to see who i resemble more. The obvious answer is Elaine Bennis.

I'm back

Yes... that's right, I survived the trecherous Whistler mountain in a very fun and eventful ski trip with 8 other guys. That's right... making for a total of 9.

Skiing in Whistler has to have been the best I've ever been able to experience, probably because i was actually challenged a lot since the guys i skiied with were a lot better than me. Only one near death experience when i almost hit a tree, but somehow, i missed it after losing control when skiing through the trees (not my most favorite thing, thats for sure).

As far as future trips go... I'm not really sure. I imagin sometime in the next month i'll make a climbing expedition trip to Oklahoma of all places and maybe a few trips to Austin... other than that who knows.

FYI... did you know that there are some periods during the month that the Moon is not visible. This stage is called New Moon and is the first stage of the lunar cycle. In this phase the Moon's unilluminated side is facing the Earth, causing the moon to not be visible (except during a solar eclipse.

A full lunar cycle lasts on average 29.5 days. Everyonce in a while a full moon will occure twice in one month, this is called a Blue Moon and takes place every 2.7 years on average. The next Blue moon will be taking place in June, so be prepared when it comes.

The above information about the moon is my Valentine's Day present to all :). Enjoy and have a good Valentine's Day.

What is up from Vancouver?

So i left for Whistler today/yesterday i guess (it's 216 am dallas time). So far, the trip has been interesting.

My flight to Houston was quick. I slept the entire way. Woke up and had to run across the airport to make it to my next flight. That was not fun.

One thing I'm not sure if i told most people about my trip, is that this coming weekend... is Gay Pride weekend (or something like that) in Whistler. So of course... there were Gays on a Plane (not snakes, not sure which is worse...jk).

It was quite funny, there were all your sterotypical gay guys right in front of me. The "flamboyant pudgy looks like he is/was in the army gay man" was definitley putting on show. The "black shaved head extremely well dressed gay man" who was very drunk and stumbling when he got off the plane. And finally the "my cloths used to belong to an 11 year old girl and i bleach my hair to look cool gay man".

There was also an old man next to me... with a cowboy had, down puffy vest, yellow shirt, bald head, and i'm not sure how much english he spoke. But the small amount that i did hear was that he was upset that the lady on the other side of the aisle had brought water on the plane. For some reason, he didn't think it was allowed... uhh.. hello... that was so last year. Get with the times...jk.

One advantage to having an ipod... people don't talk to you on a plane even though the music is playing inside my head, but they don't know that.... fools.

Hopefully no one is offended by the above comments... if so, get over it..jk.

The trip concluded with the flight attendants passing out the cards that you have to fill out when you come in to canada stating where you are going etc. Of course... I don't have a pen. I notice the guy next to me does and he is using it... so i figure i'll wait for it. Then i notice he is coughing like crazy into the pen... damn it. I really need a pen, and there is nothing else around. I end up using it. ANd so does everyone else in my row. That pen is like the village bike... everyone got a ride. Anyways, i'm immune to getting sick... right ERG?

ALright.. well i guess i should pass out in my awesome hotel bed (Hilton Vancouver Airport... it's a decent place). Have a good weekend everyone. We'll miss you Sidney. Peace.

Swoosh! Boing! Bop!

So i went to a Mavs game last night with this really awesome girl (ERG). They won of course and basically blew the other team out of the water. They made the other team look like a middle school B team by scoring 40 points just in the first quarter. The game was great, but it seems to me that these days it's almost like a theatrical performance.

The basketball is microphoned. Which seemed very odd to me, I guess it is to give the feeling that you are close to the court and can hear/feel/see everything that is happening, even though i was about 100 feet away. The first few times it scared me, then it almost became normal that i could hear the ball hit the rim even over the sound of the crowd cheering. During time outs and intermissions, a variety of shows are put on that definitely make things more interesting and fun.

After the game had a glass of wine at Vino 100 which was very good. My goal this month is to hit up every wine bar at least once. At the rate I'm going, 3 wine bars in 2 weeks, it should not be a problem :). They are much better than normal bars, mostly because i don't come down with a mild case of emphasema before leaving, and they are generaly more relaxed which is what i like to be.

Tonight I leave for my Whistler Ski Trip. Myself and 9 other guys (only 3 of which i know) will be sharing a 10 person condo. Should be an interesting trip. I'm going to do what i can to pace myself at drinking so that i can actually enjoy the skiing part of the trip. I'm only planning on actualy skiing two days... and on the third doing some other kind of activity (maybe snow shoeing or something that i've never tried). My plan is to do some grocery shopping once i get there tomorrow and live pretty cheapily off cheap mealsfood (diet consisting of granola bars, soup, and pasta...).

So I most likely won't be posting again until Wednesday. Don't miss me too much.

jpb

This week I have eaten four jelly n peanut butter sandwiches in three days. Sometimes I wonder if they are bad for me. I ate one every day almost as a kid and for some reason this week I felt like being a kid again by bringing my jelly n peanut butter sandwich with me to work. What i forget is that I'm at least twice the size of what i was when I was 10. Therefore, I need twice the amount of food. However, i continue to only bring one sandwich and then getting hungry by around mid afternoon.

Solution to this problem... pack two sandwiches.

One interesting thing i used to do with my jelly and peanut butter sandwiches was to add sprinkles onto the peanut butter. This would give the sandwich and extra kick of crunch along with some sugar to get me going.

Who remembers the Peanut Butter Jelly Time song... i know i sure do. In case you were stuck in a black hole when this came out... check this out.

Anti Denti

Typically... I'm very what you call... Anti Denti, but after this morning, some might say I am pro-denti.

Morning started out extremely early like most Tuesday's... 6 am wake up. A lot of times on Tuesday this would be considered late and at this time I would already be on a plane up to Minnesota. But today, I get to stay in Dallas. My Dentist appointment was for 7 am, and I'm not too sure why I set it up for this time, I guess because I like to get it out of the way.

Anyways, all in all, I typically do not like going to the dentist. Maybe it's the scratching and grinding of the teeth or the taste of that strange stuff they put on your teeth to "polish" them. Possibly the taste of the rubber gloves in my mouth, definitely not my favorite. Not really sure what it is, but I like others, dread going to the dentist.

The lady that cleaned my teeth this morning was very nice and asked me a lot about what was going on in my life. Which i had no problem telling her, but the best part about her was right after i opened my mouth, she said my teeth already look great. My guilty conscious comes into the dentist waiting for them to tell me that i have cavities. After hearing what she said, i was pretty confident the rest of the visit would go well. She did make some recommendations for me to brush in certain places more than others, which i really appreciate because i never know if I'm doing something wrong.

Today will be a long day and so will tomorrow. Work the rest of the day, dinner in Southern Oklahoma, last load of laundry before Whistler, Hockey at 1030... then sleep.

Tomorrow... work... then the mavs game with ERG. It will be good times.

I'm out.

cheese... what cheese

I think i posted about 5 minutes ago... my cheese is all gone. :(

Oh well.

Cheese

It's noon... I have 5 pieces of cheese left for the day to last until 5 PM. If i ration reasonably, once piece of cheese per hour... then I win.

it goes like this... not that

"Grande Gingerbread Non Fat No whip 140 Degree Latte"... coming from a true Starbucks Professional.

This past weekend went really well if I have to say so myself. I was able to get a lot done and had a some really fun times. So here is the weekend wrap up...

Friday night started out with me going climbing right after work. I haven't been in about 2 weeks and it felt nice to actually get back out and do a few 5.9s. Today I will go again after work. After climbing, went out to celebrate Ben's birthday. Started at the loon, had a few drinks with some of the hockey guys, then proceeded to Quarter Bar. I probably drank more than I should have, but all in all I kept everything in control.

Saturday... woke up around 9ish and did my taxes (I know, I'm a dork... i like to get them done early). It was a great feeling of accomplishment (only had to call my dad about 6 times and send him about 6 emails for help... no biggie though). After that made a quick trip to REI to get some gloves for my whistler trip next weekend, and then remembered that my friend was in town for a judo tournament. Drove halfway to West Texas (Hurst) and hung out with my JFF (judo fighting friend). What an interesting sport to watch, it's kind of cool to see people get thrown and slammed down on to a mat. Supposedly they know how to fall and so it does not hurt, but it doesn't look to pleasant if you ask me. After the tournament, drove home quickly... changed into running cloths. Ran 1.5 miles to the Gingerman. Had a beer with big D and then ran the 1.5 miles back (training for white rock 07). Took a shower and got ready for the night life. Saturday night was great. Went to Cafe Izmar with this really cool girl (Elbow Room Girl :) ). Afterwards went back to her place and I let her cat lick my head. For some reason the cat liked it. It was funny.

Sunday morning woke up around 9ish... went to breakfast with ERG and then to church again (That's right... two times in two weeks... beat it). It was an interesting service, learned all about what happiness is and how we are not supposed to always be happy. That's just how life is. Sunday afternoon, went for another nice 30 minute run in the awesome Dallas weather that we had this weekend (cold at night and amazing during the day). Then hung out with ERG and watched the super duper bowl... with not so super commercials. Tried a new beer (Red Bridge) and some awesome carrot cake. Both were gluten free and tasted amazingly well.

All in all it was a great weekend. I came to the realization that I do not need an ipod... i can just play the music inside my head.

My Starbucks order... "Tall White Mocha"... much easier to say.

Hello Spring!

In case you missed the news, Punxsutawney Phil did not see his shadow this morning which is great news. The last time Phil did not see his shadow was 1999, so it's only been 8 years. So we are definitely due for an early spring.

This makes me happy because for some reason my office is kept at Minnesota temperatures. I'm not sure if they have the AC or we just don't have heat in Texas because it just never gets that cold. I'm ready for some warmer weather though... but not 100 degree weather... just some 60 -80 degree weather. So that i can be outside and be comfortable.

Have a good weekend... because you know I will.

Home

I am ready to go home. How about you?

Today is Friday #1 for me... i say this because in a way it feels like Friday since this is my last day in Minnesota. It's kind of cool getting two friday's in one week, not many people get that kind of experience. Most people would kill for this kind of feeling... jealous?

That is all. this is me breathing