License and registration... chicken fucker.

On Sunday as I drove back from the fantabulous Austin, TX, I couldn’t help but go a little fast. Suddenly, I noticed I was approaching a cop. I slowed down to 70 on the cruise control (5 over the speed limit) and continued on my way. Next thing I know, I’m passing the cop. My gekius self decides it’s not a bad idea to pass a cop only going 5 over. So I pass him successfully and continue driving at 70 mph not thinking much of it. About 5 minutes later I notice Mr. State Trooper is behind me with his lights on. WTF… there must be an emergency up ahead. So I move to the right, and I notice he moves to the right. What a retard… I’m moving out of your way I thought. Then… it hit me. He wants to pull me over, must be some simple mistake like he thinks my inspection sticker is expired. For about a split second, I thought about flooring it and running, then I realized my supped up Toyota Camry would probably leave him in the dust and make him feel bad, so I pulled over.

I begin to assume the position, turn the car off, roll down the window, and put my hands on the steering wheel. This in case you don’t know is the position of a not guilty person. He comes up and asks if I know how fast I was going… typical retarded cop question. I say, “Yes sir, had the cruise control set on 70”. He replies back with a firm “I paced you at 80”. It was at that moment, that I thought, you paced? PACED? You have a f’in radar gun for a reason, use it to confirm your pacing suspicions. His stupidity reminded me of a drunken sorority girl I met at a toga party once that thought the square root of 9 was 81…

I look at him and say, “It doesn’t really make sense that I would pass you going 80 when I saw you, I mean that is just ridiculous, I’m certain I was going 70”. He replies back, “yeah I thought the same thing, guess you were wrong.”

"Come on meow” I reply back, thankfully he didn’t notice my rude and offensive reference the great movie Super Troopers. “I’ll be back with your citation”.

You have to be kidding me, this guy is wrong clearly in my mind and I am right. I wouldn’t have been that pissed, except for the fact that this was my second ticket in less than three weeks. Needless to say, I’m going to do all I can to get this thrown out or deferred or whatever. For once, I’m actually pissed at the Nation of Texas. Remember the Alamo!!

This is me breathing.