Cup Stacking... A Sport

Are you f'in kidding me?

I'm not sure if you have heard of this stupid new phenomenon amongst the kids these days... and no I'm not talking about Pokemon, because that was so 10 years ago. And I'm not talking about Magic the Gathering, because everyone knows was the best child game that ever existed and only cool people like me still play it (I have an 11th degree wizard that can crush any card you throw out... so be scared if you ever dare try playing me).

Anyways, cup stacking, it's a speed game (not a sport) where kid's (I hope adults don't waste their time with this nonsense game) stack cups and unstack them in formations as quickly as possible. Sounds like a game for your standard mentally retarded kid if you ask me... but they are letting "normal" kids do this. They have competitions. They have world rankings. They are... stupid.

All i know is if my kid ever asked to go to a competition, the events would unfold like this. I would act gleefully that they have chosen such an awesome sport to pursue their dreams in. Sign them up... pay the fee or whatever needed to be done. On day of competition, give them a nice big breakfast. Then we would start driving. I would drive for so long that they fell asleep and take them to a far away remote place. When i felt like we were in the middle of no where, i would pick the kid up out of the car as they were sleeping... and drop them off with the following note:

"Here is your challenge should you choose to accept. Cup Stacking is stupid, if i ever catch you trying to do it again, i will drop you off much further and this time with no food or water. You will find in your bag one nalgene and two granola bars. Good luck. Hope to see you at home sometime tonight. Be safe and I love you."

I think that would be a successful lesson taught to my child and they would learn not to play stupid games like Cup Stacking.

The only reason cup stacking might be acceptable, is if it were somehow turned into a drinking game for kids. That would be hilarious and i would hope that ESPN would broadcast it, because drunk kids trying to stack cups would be funnier than Hulk Hogan trying to manage his f'd up family.

Please note the kid in the photo will never amount to anything. Yeah he can stack and unstack cups with one hand in 5.3 seconds, but what will he really do with his life... my best guess... Burger King Fry maker.

BTW... if you haven't check out "What Would Tyler Durden Do"... you should. Two words. Hil Arious